Saturday, September 17, 2016

Being at a better place : My testimony



The reminisching about my "past life" always makes me feel as if I've just jumped right on a rollercoaster. Various emotions start going up and down, start twisting here and there and ofcourse being the emotional person that I am, I simply can't help myself and tears start dropping down (well 8 out of the 10 times anyway). I then remember those as I like to put it "survival of the fittest days" I remember how lonely I felt, the fears, worries, pain,... Those tears in a way express my gratitude towards the Lord for having both protected and loved me when I felt like I of all people the least deserved it.

Today I understand certain things that I didn't understand yesterday and know that all I ever went through made me into the person I always deep down hoped and dreamt of being. You see no-one can truly pray/wish/wait upon better days if they haven't been through those rainy days. No-one can truly pray for the light to come shining through if they've never lived in total darkness. 

I'm the product of a not so happily ever after marriage. Come to think of it how can any relationship that hasn't been built on the solid rock last or overcome trials that couples come to face? My mum got together with my dad at the age of seventeen and had me a year after. She told me many years later that the reason behind her leaving him was possessiveness. Apparently my dad at times got a bit carred away with his hands. That's her side of the story only she, my dad who passed away and God will truly know the why and how of it all.

I've had a very disturbed (if I may say so myself) and unstable childhood. I grew up fatherless till the age of 8 with a as you can imagine broken mother, got physically and verbally abused, moved on various occasions back and forth between the U.K and Belgium. Are you getting the picture? To cut the long story short (for now anyways) I have since a very young age felt this emptiness inside of me and no-matter what I did I've never been able to truly feel it up.

For as long I can remember I tried to keep myself entertained and busy with people and things (family, friends, men, materials things) I thought could fill the emptiness inside up. After having experienced dissapointment I finally came to realize that this empty space could and can only be filled with one thing true love (1 John 4:18).

Something that will forever stay engraved in my memory happened a couple of years ago and left me feeling really broken and upset. My whole world came tumbling down and that particular incident left me feeling really depressed and left me to deal with so much pain.This might sound a little funny to some but you see God is God and his love is indescribable. God had to make me go through those endarked days in order for me to realize that his light and enduring love could make it all better.

Something deep within told me that if I truly wanted to see God's hand at work in my life I had to devote myself entirely to him and stop with the many things and rubbishness I was doing back then. Basically stop with all the distractions I was surrounding myself with... and that's when the digging deeper began.I was sick and tired of the wreckless luke warm lifestyle I was living. I was in need of inner peace and rest. One year after my process of searching for a deeper relationship with God and him opening my eyes to the many things that was wrong in the church I attented his is unfailing love touched/rescued me (at home) and since then nothing has ever been the same. He has set me free from so many things (will talk about it later). He is truly able to make it all better. Sometimes we feel restless and don't acknowledge God's presence and love when really and truly his only one call (prayer) away.

People make mistakes I have done so myself once too often never forget that you are not worthy of his love. Why would he have otherwise sent his son out to save us? The love God has for you does not depend on your mistakes, troubled past nor achievements. No matter where you've been what you've done if you truly want to come out of it all there is a way. 

If this little testimony of mine has in a any touched or encouraged you please help to spread it like or even better share.

Sealed with love,
T.H.O.A.W.W.P.
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